i'm on your voice mail.

relatives annoy me.
dont get me wrong, i love my grandma to bits, but god! she infuriates me.
see, i work in her Christmas Shop sometimes. the pays shit and the works boring and to be quite honest i havent a fucking clue why i do it. but its my grandma, and when she says 'Nat, i need you to work in the shop on saturday' you can very well say no.
its not like i had anything to do this weekend any way, other than the massive pile of college work that will get done tomorrow when i'm home alone, since my sometimes boyfriend K cancelled on me, he gets ill alot, so you cant really blame him.
i sound like i'm making excuses for him doesnt it?
its a wierd relationship between me and him. i dont have the confidance to ask him the things that i really want to ask him, and because he isnt that good on conversation i fill the gaps of silance with absolute utter crap, so really he thinks im a flaky motor mouth, which actually, i am.
its turning into one of those relationships where i'm just conveniently there. its like were turning into Fuck buddies or something.
though with out the fuck. as i'm a virgin.
i was with my flaky, hyperactive ex boyfriend S when i first kissed K and quickly realised that being with K was WAY better than being with S. S managed to infuriate me.
love is blind folks.
and deaf.
and very very ignorant.